SXSW | Not Accepted

First off I need to give out a shout out to a fellow artist, poet & friend Truth B. Told. I remember a few months ago possibly longer Truth posted on Facebook a rejection letter from a career changing opportunity. I found his display of transparency to his fans and friends to be honest and humbling.

Far too often we as people not even as artist or creatives but as simple people shy away from exposing ourselves... From sharing those truly hard and difficult moments we endure. In this social media age of twitter & Instagram or even Facebook we have the ability to only show forth the glamour of our lives. We show only the laughs, smiles and merry moments. I find this to be more harmful than helpful because it paints this illusionary picture things are always this beautiful and perfect when in reality it quite far from the truth.

We  need more of this honesty and willingness to be bare. I've decided to start with myself. Months ago I had applied for an opportunity to perform at this years massive music festival SXSW. In my heart I just knew I had the chops and the experience to garnish such an inclusion into such event. I recently received a rejection letter from my would be career changing opportunity.

I have to admit that I was absolutely disappointed and saddened because as an artist and individual constantly treading the heels of success, I feel as though I really needed this moment. So, as I sat with myself a while and reflected this is what I came to understand. "A setback doesn't have to be a step back. it can be a trampoline". What I'm saying is that failure and disappointment are invariably facts of life. However, in these moments I have found myself in a greater position to revise, rebuild, reconstruct and grow stronger mentally and spiritually. Because faith and hope are two powerful allies. This will not be the last the time that I will hear a NO or that sunken feeling that comes from rejections. It will be though, the last time I won't use my energy in a way that is going to prepare me for the moment(s) to receive my next yes.

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From New York with Love.

So, here I am.. In New York City.

Today marks a month I've been here and away from all traces of normal and comfortable that I've grown much accustomed to over the last 10 years of experiencing life in Phoenix. I know it's been a month because my metro card has expired and now requires another purchase of $113.00 to sustain my ability to travel throughout the city on an unlimited cycle of fares until the next month comes...  I'm here and I mean I'm actually here living, breathing, freezing! But most of all I'm here dreaming. I now exist in a world of my own doing (and of course God's) this has become my version of The Matrix. This dream like state I'm in is due to years and years of waiting and thinking, creating and even crying some dying along the way too just to make it to this point. However, this is very real. A slight chuckle I often lend to myself as I move from one location to the next on this vast grid they call an island. I laugh because this all a bit surreal still to me and for all I know I may feel this way for some time to come.

I gave it all up to be here, I gave up my job with its security, benefits and direct deposit hitting my Chase account every two weeks. I gave up friends, family, students and co-workers who over the span of 3 years feel more like loved ones. I gave up blooming relationships that had the potential to bare fruit.. I gave up my earthly possessions my Tv and video game consoles my shoe collection with all of my coveted Retro Jordans and many things truthfully never needed. I gave up my car. Candice the Acura TSX with the letter "FRESH" on the back. I gave up the ability to visit my mothers grave and now wishing I had spent a little more time doing so than I did.

But..

That which I have gained in exchanged is in fact far more exciting and liberating.

I've gained the freedom and the ability to choose my own way. To alter my course and manipulate the trajectory of my future! This however, is not without some costs but I know this feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me this is where I'm suppose to be. I was not given a chance but it was a chance I took for myself and that decision has made all the difference. 

I have embarked on the next great adventure of my life and for however long this experience last I know that who I am and who I'll become on the other side will be due to the grand impact of this this experience and everything it has to offer me as an artist and writer, musician, poet and creative.

Thank you all for the continued love, support, care and concern you've shown me during this transition. Follow my journal and see things as I see them and experience my journey as I am living it because you're never far from my thoughts and know that you are right here with me.

From New York with Love. ( A personal telling of my moments)